Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Oh No, The big 3-0!

3 weeks…21 days…482 minutes…28920 seconds…no matter how you measure it the truth is I am less than a month away from July 7, 2010. On that day I will turn 30 years old. Yes ladies and gents 3 decades have came and went since the doctor smacked my behind on that hot July day. I know, I know, to you folks who have passed this milestone already this may seem like a little blip on the screen in the grand scheme of things but I am not looking forward to it. And as the song almost says, It’s my blog and I can whine if I want to.

I mean if I really start dissecting it, outta all the options, turning 30 is the best option I’ve got. The other option involves the bread truck crossing the center line, lighting striking me, or eating my weight in Krispy Kreme’s and having some type of diabetic seizure. As appealing as that Hot and Fresh sign may be, I will choose to keep my ticker ticking and wake up on 7-7-2010 to see what the day may hold. I am not sure what it is about this TRIPLE DECADE birthday that has me so bummed out. I mean if I did a check list of things that matter in life I would say I am doing pretty well.

Salvation (Check)

Relationship with God (Check on His part…halfhearted lately on mine)

Great Marriage (Check)

Wonderful Kids (Check)

Job I Love (Check)

Comfortable Home (Check) (well it’s not ours yet but it belongs to our family and the rent keeps me at home at least part time!)

Dependable Car (sort of a half a check…depending on the day…it’s working today so I will give it a) (Check)

Best Friends (Check)

Great Family (Check they are great and crazy all at once!)

In Good Health (No check here…this is one thing that has me bummed)

If you look at it on paper I think things are pretty umm…groovy (to use a word from the decade I was conceived in). But I am a little uneasy lately. I know part of it is this adoption journey God has put us on…things aren’t moving at the speed I want and that is just plain frustrating. I mean with my last baby I decided I wanted to have another …we had a little fun…(my Moms will die when they read that…lol…so just for them let me say we had a LOT of fun  ) and then after a month or so I was expecting. There was no question in my mind; in 9 months there would be a baby. God protected me and my sweet boy and that is just what happened. No biggie. But with this I don’t have a guarantee (not that I really did with my other two I was just blissfully stupid.) I don’t have a baby bump (not that I could find it under the baby weight from the 10 and 7 year old…yes that is what I still call it…WHAT?! Don’t judge me!! Anyway I have just never walked this way before and I am not the most patient person in the world (which would be why God also picked now to call me to HOMESCHOOL) and things are just S-L-O-W!!

Well with that, and with the fact that my health isn’t great and I need to loose weight to feel better, all I really want to do is sit down with a bag of dove bars and Funny Girl on DVD and make all of my problems go away. This birthday just has me feeling sort of BLAH.

So I come to you my fellow bloggy sisters (and brothers)…have you had a hard birthday in the past? What did you do to cheer yourself up?! Is it better to party or hide? My mom is planning on taking me out of town the weekend before so I don’t think I have a choice there. Also my birthday is on a Wednesday, any ideas for how the kids and I can make the day fun and make me feel a little less like being the first woman to die from my tongue getting caught in my Kitchen Aid Mixer set on high to mix Double Fudge Brownies?! What’s a girl to do to make 30 feel a little less like the top of the hill and a little more like the dawn of a new decade.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Sunday Snapshot: My Moms

Not every girl is blessed to have two Moms in their lives.

My Mom and "Other Dad" Helen and Andy

The one who birthed me is Helen and she is fun loving, giving, and feisty.
She wiped my nose and put band aids on my boo boo's.
She held my hair when I got sick after my first drink (and yelled at me while I had a headache...and cooked food and made me eat it...)
She dried my tears when my first boyfriend, Thomas, broke my heart.
She loves me unconditionally.
She is my Mom and I love her very much!

But I guess God knew that I was a special case and when I was 15 years old my parents divorced and about six months later my Dad started dating Darlene. Eleven years ago Friday she became my "Other Mother" (We hate the term Step-Mother you stand on a step, you love a Mother!)

My Dad and "Other Mom" Jack and Darlene

Lene became my friend first.
She took me places and listened when I talked.
She ran interference with my Dad for me.
She wiped my tears when my last boyfriend; before my husband man came along; broke my heart.
She treats me as if I were her biological child.
She loves me unconditionally.
She is my Mom and I love her very much!

Both of my Moms love my children, they kiss their boo boo's and they wipe their noses. They hold their hair when they are sick. They cook for us; they pray for us, they are amazing.

My Moms are so different. They have different interests and hobbies, they have different tastes in music, they have different styles in clothes, but they are both gifts from God and I praise His name everyday for seeing fit to bless me with two Moms. He blessed me with a great set of Dad's as well but father’s day will be here soon so I will save that post till then.

Saturday:Striving for Simplicity

Oh wow it's 11:55 p.m. I guess since I am starting this post before midnight I can let it count for my Saturday Striving for Simplicity post!
One thing that I feel has made our life a little simpler is that we decided to cut our cable off. I know I know I once was a girl that had NEVER been without at least 60 channels but when I lost my job over 3 years ago we knew some things would have to go and that was one of the things we couldn't fit into our budget. Honestly I still do miss having Food Network and I miss being able to watch all of the football games that we love but if there is a game we really want to see we can always go to a family members and I can watch Food Network on-line. I have noticed that I am MUCH more productive without cable. We still have our local channels but once our news goes off I normally turn the TV off. I think that not having 24 hours of cartoons to watch forces the kids to find ways to entertain themselves.

Now that I am working part time again we have only talked about turning cable back on once and we quickly decided against it. For now we have PLENTY to keep busy with and I am afraid that we would get nothing done if we had too many choices for entertainment. Plus we have time to do things that we didn't do before.

One thing that we do that I absolutely love is we eat dinner around the table This gives us a chance to talk about our day and just take a breather from everything else. We have been getting interrupted by the phone a lot lately, maybe I'll start turning the ringer off...who knows!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

In Christ Alone,

Saturday, June 12, 2010


So this was my first trip "CVSing" and I think I did pretty good for a newbie! I had a few things I needed like


and the kids needed batteries for the Wii so I got all of this:

for $20 regularly it would have been a little over $33 so with coupons and Extra Care Bucks I saved $13. I know I will get better as time goes on but I was pretty excited.

I also went to Food Lion and got two bottles of Whisk laundry detergent, a pack of lunch meat and some peanut butter it would have been $18 plus change normally and it was $10.55.

So I saved $21 and got stuff we needed anyway!

Just thought I would share!!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Between THE Rock and a weak place.

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you could taste it? I mean have you ever longed for something in a way that hurt your heart? Have you thought about something until it consumed your every waking minute? Have you planned and dreamed and prayed about one thing until you are completely empty?

I sure have.

And today it feels like too much. My soul longs for another child. I know there are needy children out there I know they need a home, my heart knows that my family is not complete. My arms ache to rock a little one to sleep, my hands long to wash little clothes, but most of all my soul longs for another child to call my own. I can't really explain why. For years I said I was finished. I have two wonderful children and my life is full of wonderful minutes spent taking care of them. I know God had to allow me to think I was finished so that I would make the medical decisions necessary for me to be able to live my life and not just go through the motions. I also know that if I had been able to have more children on my own I would not have thought about adoption as readily. Over the last two years God has clearly shown me that adoption is in our future. I know that I will have at least one more child and I know that it is just a matter of timing but lately I have been feeling very...jaded, I guess.

First of all my husband is SO practical. That trait has served us well since I am all about dreaming big and without him reigning me back in I would have made some very foolish decisions over the years. However it is not easy for someone that is so practical to look at the numbers behind adding another child to your family and then say, "I don't know where the $15k will come from but God will provide." That is just out of his comfort zone. I know that he trusts God but that kind of monetary commitment is not something he makes lightheartedly. Unfortunately this has left me feeling as if I need to "convince" him that we should adopt. Please know that my husband is a great man, a wonderful father, and a devoted husband and I know he only has our family’s best interest at heart.

But just to be honest it is a really big load to carry. Some days I do not feel like I am capable of adopting a child, some days I am tired and ill. Some days I am frustrated with my children, some days I have laundry pilled up and I can not fathom the ideal of adding another child’s laundry to it. Some days I think about the fact that my son will be 18 in 11 years and I will be finished mothering small children and then I think about adding a newborn to the mix in about a year and I think oh wow that means I will have 19 more years of mothering. Sometimes I just don't want to be positive about this whole process. Maybe I don't know where the money will come from, maybe I don't know how we will raise three children, and maybe I don't know how we will pay for college for three kids. MAYBE I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. Maybe I need to be convinced to adopt...only there is no one to do that. But, I cannot get away from James 1:27

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

I cannot get away from the Holy Spirit's leading; I cannot get away from God's plan. And honestly I don't want to get away from any of it. I have walked contrary to His Word before and I know where it got me Shipwrecked, Messed Up, Stressed Out. I want to be what He wants me to be. It's just that today I feel like he called the wrong girl. Today I feel that He meant to call someone else, someone healthier, someone richer, someone better with money, someone who has it all together. That's not me. But He knows me and He doesn't make mistakes so I guess the only thing left to be adjusted is my attitude. Please pray for me dear bloggy friends. I need Him to be STRONG in my weak places.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Memorial Box Monday: A Kiss

My Memorial Box Monday post is just a simple little story that some might find silly but I believe that God is into the details of my life and I believe that he knows just what I need and he takes pleasure in providing it for me, when he deems it appropriate.

When my children were smaller my husband worked some crazy hours he worked 12 hour shifts three or four days in a row. He worked midnights 5:45 p.m. till 6 a.m. it was so hard to take care of the kids and work and do all of the other things I was doing and often after three or four days of only seeing him for 15 minutes before work and having the kids alone I was struggling. One week he was working Monday-Thursday and it was Wednesday and I was on my way home from a long hard day at work, I had only seen him in passing the three days before and I knew that I was just going to pass him on his way out the door and then I would have to get the kids ready, do supper, and get to church all in less than two hours and I was feeling VERY overwhelmed. I was driving across town on my way home and I was just pouring my heart out to God. I was talking to him like I would my earthly father and I was crying and just telling him that I was overwhelmed, and tired, and lonely. I told him I felt like no one understood and like no one cared. It was a low moment for me. I was hurting, and tired, I needed a pick me up. Well my Wonderful Jesus knew just what I needed. I was driving in front of the courthouse downtown and I got caught by a red light. I looked over at the courthouse and I saw my friend Raymond. Raymond is in his mid to late 60's he goes to the church I went to at the time and he is precious (That is him in the picture). He always says "God loves you, just let him." He is just so precious and I love him with all of my heart. Since both of my grandfathers have passed Raymond is my stand in. He always gives me a smile and a hug and I just think the world of him. Well on that day I looked over and I saw Raymond and I waved and he waved and all of a sudden Raymond did something out of character for him. You see Raymond is a great guy but he is a "Man's Man" he likes to fish, and he holds an elected position in our county and he is not a man that just goes around being silly, but standing on the middle of the Courthouse square, Raymond put his hand to his lips and blew me the sweetest kiss you ever saw. At first it kinda surprised me, like I said Raymond isn't the blowing kisses sort but he sure did blow me a kiss. The second I saw it I felt the Holy Spirit come over me and I heard my precious savior whisper, "That kiss was from me." Then the Holy Spirit began to flood my soul with scripture that told of God's great love and mercy. I knew at that moment that even though things were not easy and I was in a difficult time, He was with me. The Lover of my soul was hanging on my every word, he knew what I needed and he was willing and able to provide. Praise the Name of JESUS! That night at church I got to tell Raymond what that kiss meant to me and he said he didn't know why he did it that he really surprised himself by doing it! :-) I love it when God does something like that just for me!

The other day I saw a little silver Hershey's Kiss at a gift shop I think I will go and buy it and place it in my memorial box to help me remember that God is watching over me and that whenever I am feeling down he is always with me.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Striving for Simplicity~Small Family, Big Plans

Well Linny at A Place Called Simplicity has started something else that I think is great, it is called Saturday's Striving for Simplicity and it is a place to discuss simplifying life so I thought I would throw in my two cents worth ;-).

I do not have a big family yet, right now it is me, the husband, my sweet girl, and my wonderful boy but we have big plans, well actually God has big plans and we are just along for the ride! So, I am trying to simplify things so that I will already have some great practices in place before we add to our family. One thing that I feel is very important to me is letting go of others preconceived notions of what my life should be. I tried to make every part of my life look like others said it should for a decade. Finally about two years ago I decided that what God thought about it was FAR more important than getting a family member or friend’s stamp of approval. This has led to several changes in my life but the most recent one has been our decision to homeschool. For years women taught their children, the center of life was the home and not the school. I feel like deciding to make our home the center of our lives again is a giant step in the right direction.

I have also started paring down in more tangible ways. One way is that I have a giveaway bag next to my bathroom door in my bedroom and when anyone puts something on and realizes that hey have grown three inches (for some of us that is in height and for others it's in width :-) not saying who is who!) they place it into the bag and that keeps our closets from getting bogged down with last years size. Another thing I did was hang two rods in my son’s closet and I put the clothes for the current season on the lowest rack and the off season clothes on the top rack. This way he can reach what he needs but he can't get to a snow suit in July. My son's room is a bit on the small side so I also bought some "soft bins" for his folded clothes and use those for storage instead of a big chest. He has a student desk my grandfather made with big cubes in it that are just the right size for the bins.

One way we keep the house running is having a set cleaning day. We straighten the house everyday but every Tuesday is cleaning day and we all work on one room at a time each doing our "jobs" and then moving on. When we are working on getting chapter books read we will stop in between each room and read one chapter, it's kinda like a little treat for finishing each room. It makes quick work of the cleaning and gives us a little rest in between (which my back really needs sometimes). I am looking forward to getting others tips! I would love some tips at meal planning and tips to help laundry not be such a chore! Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

In Christ Alone,

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Israel: God's chosen people.

Watch this video to see Netanyahu explain what happened with the Gaza flotilla. I believe that it is our job to defend Israel. I think if we fail to support them that we put ourselves in a very bad place. Either you are for the God's chosen people or against. I for one never want to be against them. Join me in praying that our leaders will open their ears...and more importantly their hearts and allow our nation to remain an ally for Israel.

In Christ Alone,