Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sunday Snapshot: Sweet Sarah

Ni Hao Y'all

In December of 1999 I became a mother for the first time. I will never forget the ride home from the hospital, it was less then 10 miles away from my house but I remember Mitchell going so slow and my heart jumping every time we hit a bump. I just didn't want anything to happen to her. She was so perfect and precious and my biggest fear was that something would hurt her. Now here we are over ten years later and I have learned so much from her.

Her smile lights up our home. She is such a loving girl. She is a straight A student, she loves the Lord and she is always waiting with a hug or a smooch on the cheek just when I need it.

She is stubborn. OH SO STUBBORN! (I have no clue where she gets that :-) She is an individual, when most girls are playing with their Barbie Dolls she is sorting her Bouncy Ball Collection.

She loves to read and she loves music...both traits that she inherited from me. But she also loves to be outside, throw ball, and ride her bike, just like her Dad.

As I look at her now I feel the same way I did sitting in the back seat of that car a decade ago, I know some bumps are coming...there is no stopping it. She is such a beautiful girl and in the last year she has stopped thinking boys were "gross" (well except for her brother) and she has a "boyfriend" now. I guess my fear is still the same; I don't want anyone or anything to hurt her. I know that hurt happens to us all and disappointments come. Just this month she competed in two Speech Contests, she won the first one and lost the second. She tried to act as if it didn't bother her but I looked into her big brown eyes and I knew just what she was feeling. I could almost see her thinking about what she should have done differently but I just wanted to hug her and make it go away. I don't want her to ever try to change who she is to please others.

On that cold December day a decade ago, I placed her in the car seat and her Dad buckled her in tightly. I tucked blankets in around her and made sure her head was supported. That was all we could do, we prepared her for the bumps and then we had to trust God to get us to our destination safely. That is exactly what we have done at this point in her life. We placed her in a home full of love and safety, we have tucked her into a church family that loves her and she buckled herself to Jesus by asking him to be her savior. Over the last few years I have tried to support her by teaching her what the Word of God says about how she should live her life. Now I have to sit back and prayerfully trust God to get us through the next decade safely. If I have learned anything as a parent it is that God loves her so much more than I can and His plan for her is perfect. Even more perfect than she was when I placed her in the car seat on a cold December day. My Sweet, Sweet Sarah.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Withering grass, that is what Peter called it.

My withering flesh stinks!!!!!!

1 Peter 1: 24 for
“All flesh is like grass
and all its glory like the flower of grass.
The grass withers,
and the flower falls,

It is so predictable. It is so selfish.

I am in a very hard place right now. I wish I could put it into words. I wish I could put my finger on what it is I guess it is that I am "grieved by various trials" (1 Peter 1:6). Nothing seems easy. Nothing seems to just "fall into place". I am frustrated, stressed, and just in a poor mood overall! This is so out of character for me. I am such a positive person.

I have felt this way for awhile but until the last week I have been able to keep things in check. On Tuesday I think I pretty much just stopped trying to pretend everything is ok.

I fail. I miserably fail at serving my sweet Jesus. I am just tired of failing but I know that no matter what I do I am flesh and I can't be perfect. I am frustrated by my failure. I understand that the frustration is a tool of the enemy to try and keep me feeling as if I can never do anything for God. I just don't know how to get off the spin cycle I am on. I need Jesus. I need the Holy Spirit. I need to be covered under the wings of the Almighty. I know it is me that keeps pushing Him away.

I feel abandoned. I know I am not. But I am frustrated that I am not full time at my job yet. I am frustrated that we have not sent in any more of our paperwork for our adoption. We have been redoing some things around the house and everything is a mess that is adding to my stress level as well. I keep telling myself I have a great life, I am not hungry, I am not sick, I am not abused, I am not under persecution, over all I have a great life. That just makes me frustrated at myself for being frustrated. I know the answer is MORE JESUS less sherri...I am just having a hard time getting there. Please pray for me bloggy friends. Pray that my frustration will not get the best of me. Pray that the God of all peace will minister to me during this HARD time of various trials. I would appreciate it and return the favor when you are feeling a bit frustrated.

In Christ Alone,