Mother’s Day, it’s a time that I normally sit and think about how lucky I am to have not one but two Mom’s and how I am so glad that I have had their love and guidance in my life. But this year feels a little different, don’t get me wrong I am still VERY thankful for Mom and Lene and I could tell them so every single day and it still wouldn’t feel like enough to show my gratitude, but this year just has a different feel to me. It could be that Sarah is now a TEEN and is starting school in August at GPS, or it might be that Colton is going to be entering Jr. High in August and I’m going to be attending his Elementary Graduation in 5 short days, but I’m feeling a little emotional. Fact is I have spent the last 13 years with my whole self wrapped up in these little lives. I love them so much, so much that it’s truly PAINFUL. I know you other Mama’s know what I’m talking about. I’ve had the privilege of carrying two children around in my belly for 9 months; I alone felt their first movement. I laughed with their first hiccups, and winced with their first kicks. (On a side note, isn’t life a miracle?! God uses a man and woman and allows them to partner with him to bring a little person into this world. Wow.) I watched the man of my dreams hold them for the first time and kiss their little heads and I loved him all over again and deeper than before. I was puked on, peed on and pooped on more times than I want to count. (Colton never missed his mark!) I lived through the Terrible Two’s and the Terrific Threes, I sent them off to Pre-K and trusted two of the sweetest women I’ve ever met with them for a few hours a day, I walked them into Kindergarten and left them crying for me (and called my Mom’s and cried on them), so many more memories, so many more milestones, I could go on all day…seriously. I think the thing that gets me is in 5 short years that first little life, my sweet Sarah is going to be leaving the nest, she has great big dreams and she is making the hard choice to leave her friends, her place of comfort, and go to Girls Preparatory School where she knows no one. She told me the other night, “Mom, I’m going to miss my friends so much but I know if I didn’t do this I would be so mad at myself for missing this opportunity.” (Wait is that my kid? Not taking the easy way, choosing what’s best instead of what feels best? I want a DNA test; I’m not very good at that. ) I know that she will continue to choose what is best for her and I have no doubts that those choices will lead her all over this big world. And my Colton Jack, in 7 short years he will be heading to college, (we are thinking he would look GREAT in Orange) he dreams of playing football and being in some sort of law enforcement like his Dad. I know God has big plans for him and I can’t wait to see what he accomplishes. But here is the problem…you see 5 years ago I had an 8 year old and a 5 year old. Kindergarten and Second Grade at Michigan Avenue, didn’t that just happen yesterday?! Plus during the last 5 years they needed me, to cut waffles, to kiss boo boo’s, to walk them into school. Sarah has a field trip Monday, Mitchell and I are simply not cool enough to attend. (I don’t know whose DNA she thinks she is carrying…she’s gonna be as cool as we are someday…I’m sure she is so ecstatic.) Fact is they are both growing up and this is THAT season, it’s the trusting, and cutting the apron string a little at a time, and the letting go season. And I know I HAVE to do it. I’ve saw “THOSE MOM’S” you know who I’m talking about (I even have a few FB friends that could fall into the category) the mom’s who REFUSED to let go, who refused to let their kids grow up and move on and be happy even if that meant they lived somewhere else, or did something for a living that made their Mama’s palms sweat. I don’t want to be her…she’s the one that has to BEG for a phone call or visit…because when her kids show up she SMOTHERS them to death…it should be called SMOTHERS DAY for some ladies…you know I’m right. I don’t want to be a SMOTHER, I want to be Mom, the one they love and they know loves them. So I’m trying to start now…small steps…expecting them to be responsible, trusting them more every day. Letting them mess a few things up. It’s rough. Knowing I could do it better, faster, more efficiently, but the point is THEY need to learn how to do it. My kids are adjusting, no actually they are excelling! That should make me happy right, Me, Mitch and God did something right! But it makes me want to lay in the floor and pitch a fit! Baby steps…that’s what it’s gonna take. So this mother’s day my computer wallpaper says “She took a deep breath & let it go” and that is the mindset I’m trying to put myself in…not an all at once release but a series of deep breaths and small steps toward the goal of raising happy, healthy, independent, productive members of society, one day at a time. It’s not gonna be easy but it’s gonna be SO worth it! So to you ladies who find yourself in any of the moments I spoke of, carrying a baby, tending to a newborn, in the toddler years, in the school years, or already parents of adults: Happy Mother’s Day or Happy Smother’s Day you decide which one fits you!
Days can be cloudy or bright
1 day ago
