Hello Friends!

* insert quiet clearing throat sound here* Umm Hello bloggy friends, I have missed you guys. I love you all. I have been on-line for a little while catching up with some of you, reading your blogs, looking at your pictures, and feeling very ashamed of myself. You see part of my calling is to pray for those like-minded people who are adopting or have adopted or will adopt but I have been kinda in love with my flesh, and blinded by my pet sins for a few weeks. I have sort of been in limbo. As I have told you before to read your stories and to follow your journeys has a tendency to make my heart bleed quite a bit and I decided to take a break but unconfessed sin is still sin and an unfulfilled calling is still a calling and things have been pretty miserable here in the land of disobedience so I think I better get off my kester and do a little something.

I can't visit bloggyland as often because I homeschool 20 hours a week and work 30 hours a week outside the home but I can visit for a few minutes every day and I can spend a couple of minutes blogging. I can let people in...matter of fact I need to.

My back, that I firmly believe God touched and healed, has begun to give me fits again. My left leg is completely numb and my left knee is in bad shape. I am in MAJOR pain and I have an appointment with my the surgeon who did my first surgery on Wednesday. Please pray about all of this.

We are leaving for a MUCH needed vacation on Thursday and I know that this will lift my spirits, being at the ocean is always a time of soul searching and renewal for me. It reminds me of my BIG huge GOD and I really need that now. I am going to go catch up with a few more of you and then start to pack. Love you all!
In Christ Alone,

Sherri

Between THE Rock and a weak place.

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you could taste it? I mean have you ever longed for something in a way that hurt your heart? Have you thought about something until it consumed your every waking minute? Have you planned and dreamed and prayed about one thing until you are completely empty?

I sure have.

And today it feels like too much. My soul longs for another child. I know there are needy children out there I know they need a home, my heart knows that my family is not complete. My arms ache to rock a little one to sleep, my hands long to wash little clothes, but most of all my soul longs for another child to call my own. I can't really explain why. For years I said I was finished. I have two wonderful children and my life is full of wonderful minutes spent taking care of them. I know God had to allow me to think I was finished so that I would make the medical decisions necessary for me to be able to live my life and not just go through the motions. I also know that if I had been able to have more children on my own I would not have thought about adoption as readily. Over the last two years God has clearly shown me that adoption is in our future. I know that I will have at least one more child and I know that it is just a matter of timing but lately I have been feeling very...jaded, I guess.

First of all my husband is SO practical. That trait has served us well since I am all about dreaming big and without him reigning me back in I would have made some very foolish decisions over the years. However it is not easy for someone that is so practical to look at the numbers behind adding another child to your family and then say, "I don't know where the $15k will come from but God will provide." That is just out of his comfort zone. I know that he trusts God but that kind of monetary commitment is not something he makes lightheartedly. Unfortunately this has left me feeling as if I need to "convince" him that we should adopt. Please know that my husband is a great man, a wonderful father, and a devoted husband and I know he only has our family’s best interest at heart.

But just to be honest it is a really big load to carry. Some days I do not feel like I am capable of adopting a child, some days I am tired and ill. Some days I am frustrated with my children, some days I have laundry pilled up and I can not fathom the ideal of adding another child’s laundry to it. Some days I think about the fact that my son will be 18 in 11 years and I will be finished mothering small children and then I think about adding a newborn to the mix in about a year and I think oh wow that means I will have 19 more years of mothering. Sometimes I just don't want to be positive about this whole process. Maybe I don't know where the money will come from, maybe I don't know how we will raise three children, and maybe I don't know how we will pay for college for three kids. MAYBE I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. Maybe I need to be convinced to adopt...only there is no one to do that. But, I cannot get away from James 1:27

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

I cannot get away from the Holy Spirit's leading; I cannot get away from God's plan. And honestly I don't want to get away from any of it. I have walked contrary to His Word before and I know where it got me Shipwrecked, Messed Up, Stressed Out. I want to be what He wants me to be. It's just that today I feel like he called the wrong girl. Today I feel that He meant to call someone else, someone healthier, someone richer, someone better with money, someone who has it all together. That's not me. But He knows me and He doesn't make mistakes so I guess the only thing left to be adjusted is my attitude. Please pray for me dear bloggy friends. I need Him to be STRONG in my weak places.

The 3rd time is a charm.

So my soul can be sorta hard of hearing. You know sometimes God has to say things a couple times for me to get it. Well today he had to say it three times for me to really get it.

First of all I was listening to Natasha Bedingfield this morning. She is one of my favorite secular singers and I love listening to her music to get myself awake and going when I have a busy day. Well I was singing along with her this morning and the lyrics to one of her songs that I have always loved just stopped me in my tracks:

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Well when I heard that last line "ending unplanned" well the Holy Spirit just spoke to me and said..."That is a lie" I started thinking about it and as much as I love the meaning of that song (being that each day is new and you can make something out of each new day) the fact is my ending is not unplanned. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Proverbs 16:9 says "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Praise God my ending is not unplanned. My heavenly Father has an awesome plan for me. I am not undefined I am what He says I am. I am his daughter. I am a mother. I am a worshipper. I am a preacher and a teacher. I am exactly what he has called me to be and the things that I haven't became yet but that are in his plan I will become in his time.

As for being unwritten I read a quote today (2nd time God spoke to me) that read "I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is writing a love story to the world" -Mother Teresa. The story might be unwritten but the Author knows exactly what he will write, a love story to the world, and I have given myself over to play whatever part he wishes to give me.

Finally I read a post by Amber at "Striving for 31" and I knew that God had something he really wanted me to understand. There was this quote

"In some ways, I feel like I am handing Him the notebook of my life and I am turning the page to a blank one, inviting Him to write whatever He wants for today. Over and over again, I beg Him to come and write on my life. Without Him, my story is not worth reading. But with Him, I can't even imagine how it is going to turn out. It's that little thing we call redemption, I suppose!"

and also this quote

"I want to go beyond my comfort zone and let Him write the story on today's page. In a way, it's terrifying. But life isn't worth living if we live it only for ourselves. There is too much pain, too much sin, and too much sorrow. So instead, I choose Jesus. And I ask Him to pick up the pen and write His love over my life today."

Well I guess after a three point lesson it is time that I finally get it. God has a plan for my life. I can't hold on to the pen and try to make sure he writes it the way I want it. I wanted a little sweet China doll to become my daughter but he is writing in a story that involves a child from Ethiopian descent. I wanted to work full time and buy a home and a car and all of the other unimportant things we kill ourselves to posses. But God wrote a story about a Mom who took a step of faith and decided to cut back her hours and homeschool her children and choose to be active in every minute of their lives. In God's version I decide to stay in the home he gave me and drive the falling apart blessing of a car he gave me. In God's version people look at me like I am crazy when I say I want to help children in need of a home, when sometimes it's all we can do to keep our own two clothed and feed and educated. In God's story I choose to bite my tongue and pray for those who despitefully use me. (I won't tell you how it is handled in my version but it involves tar and feathers. :-) In God's version I choose to walk out the dream he gave me for Operation Giggle and Sarah's Hope and in my version I just mark those things off the list as things I just don't have the energy to do. In God's version I chose to help others and do without...I am not to that part yet and I have some growing to do before I get there. (Can I just pause right here and say in my version I might punch Dave Ramsey in the mouth. I know, I know, he is a great man with great ideas about saving and living with-in your means but if my flesh were in charge I would just give him a right hook...I'm just saying...)

But the great part is that God sees the big picture. He see's what I can't see. He has my best in mind. He doesn't have his mind changed by his daughters groaning and complaining. He will do what is best for me. He is God Alone...without my help. Unchangeable, Unbreakable, Unstoppable...that is what he is.

So I will rest easy knowing that he is on my side and he will not change, break, or stop until my life reads like a classic.

In Christ Alone,

Exhausted yet pursuing

Judges 8:4 And Gideon came to the Jordan and crossed over, he and the 300 men who were with him, exhausted yet pursuing,

I read this scripture from Judges today and it really got me thinking about some things.

I need to set this story up a little bit so I have to go back to Chapter 6, I am not going to retell the whole story but stick with me for just a minute here...basically Gideon was an Israelite living in captivity to the Midianites. When the story opens he is beating out wheat in a winepress trying to hide it from the Midianites to keep them from stealing it. the angel of the Lord appears to him and he has an encounter that changes his life, you really should read it for yourself to appreciate how little he thought of himself and his own abilities but it might remind you of yourself just a little bit, I know it was very familiar to me. It went something like, my family tree is full of nuts and my father’s branch has more nuts than any of the rest of them. Have you ever felt like that? God calls you to something and you look around like "WHO ME?" Anyway read past all of that and you will see God take 35,000 men and narrow them down to 300 and then proceed to take down the Midianites. Some of the Midianites fled and part of that group were two princes and two kings, well Gideon caught the princes and was hot on the trail of the kings and that brings us to Judges 8:4 the 300 men (all 300 of them, he hadn't lost one man) were exhausted yet pursuing. Well Gideon asked two cities for some loaves of bread and both of them made fun of him and refused so Gideon promised that when he did capture those kings he would be back to take care of both of those cities and God gave the 300 men strength to keep going and in 8:13-17 you can read about him "taking care of business" with both of those cities. The battle was won anyway and God got all of the glory!

This all got me thinking about our adoption situation. I believe God calls us all to help orphans (Read James 1:27 if you don't believe me). I believe it causes him JOY to hear one of his children make the commitment to adopt an orphaned child but this adoption road isn't easy. I mean we are not really even started and I feel a little weary already. I fell in love with a child prayed for her, loved on her from afar and then she was matched with another family and China told us we didn't qualify for their program. Well I can tell you that was a punch in the gut. I have tried to be strong about it but I have found myself in tears a couple of times. I know God has her best and our best in mind and I am so happy for her and her family. It's just hard to want a child and pursue a child and be told no. But God has shown me again tonight that even though I am exhausted I have to be pursuing. Somewhere on this earth there is a little boy or girl growing in a mother’s tummy that, due to the realities of this harsh world, is going to need a family. I have to keep my eyes set on the mark and ignore those "hunger pains" and turn my longing for another child into motivation to do what is necessary to be able to welcome a child into our home. Believe me not everyone is behind our choice to adopt. There are those that refuse bread and mock us. But just like Gideon did I will pursue what God has called me to do and I will allow God to provide. (Now unlike Gideon I will choose not to make a big statue out of golden earrings and worship it...but that is another post for another day!) I hope you all have a great week and remember even when you are exhausted PURSUE that thing God has for you!!!

The answer

Well the CCAA answered and it was a No. I had prepared my heart for this. I don't believe they said no because we were outside of their guidelines, I beleive they said no because this is not what God has for our family at this moment in time. I am sad, for the sweet little girl we wanted and for me. But, I will TRUST in His plan. This was no surprise to Him and I have to admit it really wasn't a surprise for me. God knows that we have a heart for orphans and I believe He will add to our family, it just won't be through a Chinese adoption. I am ok with that. I want His will in my life whatever that is. That is really all I feel like saying about it for now. Please keep us in your prayers.

IN CHRIST ALONE,

EDITED: Link to a Giveaway and a Couple Prayer Requests

I love reading Amber's blog at Striving for 31 She is having a book give away. Click the link above and register yourself! Good luck!

By the Way....still no answer from the CCAA we should hear something today or tomorrow...in a perfect world. Also say a prayer for my bloggy friend Alycia who is waiting on her TA and for a travel buddy "L" who is waiting on the final steps for her family to bring home two sweet little boys. I know they are both ready to have their children in their arms.

EDITED TO ADD: Sorry I thought I had already posted about what we were waiting on from the CCAA but now I remember that I wrote a partial post and my internet went down...so basically we are waiting to find out if our eligibility check was approved. We have a couple of issues that fall just outside of some guidelines and we are trying to get the CCAA to overlook those issues and let us apply to adopt our sweet little Brooklyn (this is what we will name her and what I will call her on this blog, I know many of you know her by a different name but I do not want to post that information out here for the whole world to see). If the answer is a "No" or "Wait" then we MAY go ahead and begin to pursue an adoption of an Ethiopian boy whom we plan on naming Silas. Notice I said MAY. We are beginning homeschool in a couple of months and if this CCAA request is denied we also might just wait for awhile so we can save money and get into the swing of things with homeschool.

We both have a heart for adoption and we do plan on adding to our family at least once. I would love to have Brooklyn and Silas and I am praying that if that is God's will it will happen in His perfect timing. Just wanted to clarify!

In Christ Alone,

My heart sings....I AM FREE

I am so excited!!! I went to a BCHE meeting last night. That is our Home Education Group here in our little town. I was AMAZED by the women there and I cannot wait to jump into Homeschooling! All the questions that had hung over me like a weight were answered and although I know I have a LOT of hard work ahead of me and when I think about getting my mess of a house wonderful home organized and ready for this it makes me want to take a nap. I know I am capable and I really can't wait to get started!


Please pray about my job. I have let my Manager know of our plans and I have worked out a schedule that will allow me to work between 5 and 20 hours per week and still do homeschool and attend church. I am hoping that they will let me go permanent part-time because this would make health insurance available to me. I know that God is in control and I trust him to have his way in all of this!

We have 6 more days of school and then the Roe Family will be FREE of the constraints of the school system and we will be able to set our curriculum and our schedule around the plans that God has for our lives. Who knows we may even get to take a field trip to China in the next year or so! God is working on our behalf and I am waiting on bated breath to see what He is going to do in our lives. I know that I felt Him call us to homeschool and I know that He has also called us to adoption...His Word tells us that obedience is better than sacrifice and I can't help but think that the steps we have taken in the last few weeks have made our Heavenly Father smile. I don't pretend for one minute that we haven't also made Him frown or cry because of our sins and shortcomings... we are human end of story. But for some reason or the other HE LOVES US and I am so glad to know He is on my side!



In Christ Alone,

Memorial Box Monday:In His Hands

Today I have a lot that I want to say and not a lot that I am allowed to say. So instead I'll do a Memorial Box Monday post with sweet Linny over at A Place Called Simplicity which is a page I visit sometimes, even if she hasn't blogged, just to listen to her playlist! We have the same taste in music...anything that glorifies HIM is ok with me!

This Memorial Box Moment happened when I was quite young, about 6 years old I guess, but I still remember it like it was yesterday! As a child I was vexed with nose bleeds from the time I was a little over one year old. My mom found me in a pool of blood one morning and finally calmed herself down enough to realize it was coming from my nose. From that time on I went through countless trips to the ER to get my nosed packed and I had somewhere around 6 surgeries (or maybe it was 9 I can't really remember) to try to cauterize my weak blood vessels. This particular time I had my tonsils removed and I had my nose cauterized in the same surgery. The doctors stressed how important it was that I did not throw up. This was an issue for me because the anesthesia had a history of making me very sick. After the surgery I fought and fought to keep from getting sick. For days I fought it but finally a few days after the surgery I just couldn't help myself. I was afraid I would get in trouble so I didn't tell anyone. So after about four times of throwing up nothing but pure blood I finally told my Daddy. I remember him grabbing the phone and dialing my doctor while telling mom to get me ready to go. The doctor told my parents not to wait for an ambulance to get me to the ER immediately. I remember my mom calling my grandfather to pick my sister up and I remember my sister standing on the edge of our porch in her pj's by herself and us pulling out of the driveway as my grandfather turned on our road. I was so scared my Dad was a Pastor of a small church and they had just purchased him a 1985 Buick LeSabre (just like the one in this picture only it was Maroon) because we drove so far back and forth to church.

Well I remember being in the back seat with my mom and I was still throwing up, I just couldn't stop! Our main road here in Cleveland is APD 40 it is the "short-cut" to town and my Dad loves stopping here when he is telling this story to say it wasn't even open yet, it was about to open and so he used it to get to the hospital faster, he just likes me to know that I am older than the road I travel everyday :-) Thanks Dad!

Anyway we were on APD 40 and we were coming down a big hill and my Dad had the car "pegged out" as he says basically he was going as fast as the car would go and the speedometer couldn't keep up. When we were coming down that hill I remember saying "Pray Mama Pray" and I remember my Mom and Dad starting to pray and at that exact moment the front two tires on that brand new car blew out. I remember the car starting to spin and then just as quick as it started I believe the hand of God touched that car and it stopped. At the bottom of that hill was one of the busiest intersections in Cleveland but since it was kinda late at night there were no cars there that I had noticed on the way down the hill. However when the car got finished spinning there were not one, not two, but three police cars sitting at that red light and one detective. The detective and his wife had been coming home from eating dinner and they got me and my parents in their car...all I can remember is the car was white and ALL the interior of that car was white and I remember thinking oh my goodness I am going to get red blood all over their white car! They drove us straight to the ER and the Police Officers told my dad that they would bring his car to the hospital.  We got to our local hospital and they couldn't get the blood stopped they said I would have to go by ambulance to a Children’s hospital 30 miles away. My mom rode with me in the ambulance and my dad walked outside to see us off before he called someone to come get him and his car was sitting there with the spares out of those officers’ cars on it. They had changed the tires and brought it up there so he followed the ambulance. We got to T.C. Thompson's Children Hospital and I was still bleeding from the ripped stitches in my throat, the doctors came in and tried all they could and they went back out and told my parents that they had done everything they knew to do and that I was still bleeding. But Praise God I serve a God who likes to work when NOTHING else will. The hand of God came down again and touched my throat and for reasons that the doctors could not explain my throat stopped bleeding instantly. I did not need a transfusion;  God took care of the problem. I had to spend several days in the hospital, I think that was because the doctors couldn't believe it and expected it to start back up at any moment but my Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving* God had big plans for my life and he healed me completely that day!

(*I borrowed that from Linny...Sorry Linny! but isn't that a PERFECT description of him?!) So when I find my "perfect" Memorial Box I am going to put in a Matchbox car that looks something like that Maroon Buick to remind me that even when situations spin out of control God's hand will guide you into perfect provision.

The thing that sticks out to me today about that day is that in the time of trouble I can call on Him (Pray Mama Pray) and He will keep what I have placed in His hands. So today as I wait on an answer about whether or not a current circumstance will stand in the way of our journey to our sweet, sweet Brooklyn Jane I am doing one thing...Mama is Praying! This is a mountain (there were actually two small mountains and one large one and God has already moved the two small ones right out of the way!) and I am asking my Mountain-moving God to MOVE IT! God Bless You All!

UPDATED TO ADD: The mountain that was standing in our way recieved an answer and the answer was No. God is still in control and I know that when the time is right to add to our family God will do so in the way He chooses. We are trusting Him and looking at all the options. Please continue to pray!

2 Timothy 1:8-14

 Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher,  which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me. Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you.

In Christ Alone,

The Cost of Caring

Hello everyone! I hope your Easter weekend is going well. Things have been busy here! Mitch had surgery about two weeks ago, I spent a few days in the hospital at the beginning of the week with some heart issues and Colton is having surgery Monday! As I said busy!!! I just stopped by some other blogs and I realized that not reading and blogging latley have a little more to do with my attitude than they do my schedule. Honestly it is hard to read about journey's and look at little faces when my dream of another little one seems so far away. But as I read a few blogs of families getting ready to travel I realized that this is part of my calling...to care. I must read and I must pray and I must keep my heart broken for these children. I am afraid that if I don't I will end up wasting this life on things much less important than giving a child a family. So even though it may hurt to care I will chose to allow my heart to be broken for the things that break His heart.

In Christ Alone,